If someone throws you the ball, you don’t have to catch it
Do you ever find yourself when someone is asking a favour, in your head you're saying "no, no, no, no" and blurt out yes? Don't worry, you're not the only one. Quite frankly, it has taken me some time to build up the courage to say no in certain circumstances, I still find myself saying yes more often than not.
What is it about saying the word no? After all, it is just a word right? Since feeling trapped in my excessive impulse to always be agreeable and help others, I asked my self - why is it so important to please everyone to the point I would feel discontent and overwhelmingly stressed about it? I realised that my biggest fear is firstly confrontation, but ultimately the fear of rejection. My thought process was if I say no to my friend this time, what will they think of me? Will it make them angry, hurt their feelings or make me appear to be selfish and a bad friend? I realise now that this isn't just a challenge that I face, but many others. Hopefully my tips and tricks I share with you will help you just as they've helped me.
Saying no doesn't mean you're a bad person.
As an example, when your friend calls or messages, you can drop the ball. This doesn't mean you never catch the ball, only that it's your choice to do so. Neither does this mean you don't care about your friend or that you're conceited or unhelpful. Most of us get asked for favours or get the ball thrown at us many times a day - from friends, family, co-workers, sales people, even strangers. If I caught every single ball or said yes to very single thing someone asked me to do, I know I would go crazy, and you would too! The key is to know when you're catching the ball so that you won't feel victimised, overwhelmed or resentful.
Know your worth.
Developing a more tranquil outlook on life requires that we know our own limits and that we take responsibility for our part in the process. I have learned that if you live your life based off of other people's approval, you'll never truly be happy or free. If you're dependant on other's approval, you're basically saying that "Their opinion of me is more important or valuable than the opinion of myself"
The idea of "not catching the ball" simply because it's thrown at you is a powerful tool to explore. Live your life for you, not for anyone else. Don't let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.
If you've read all the way to here…I want you to set a goal to be aware of how many times you 'catch the ball' in the next week, I'm sure it will be a lot more than you think. If you have any questions or want to share your improvements and experiences I'd love to hear all about it! Just send me a DM or sign up to my mailing system and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
Lots of love,